Remember Sigrunn?

Hello everyone. My next post was supposed to document my descent into madness. Since my last post, I have been struggling. After considering the suicide prevention training I had received in the Guard, I realized that I was being haunted by my own history. War it seems does not agree with me. Nor does privation, submission to a rigid command structure and perhaps worst of all, being surrounded by ridiculous, undisciplined juveniles that seem to populate all ranks, particularly the lower ones.

So, considering that asking for help is a sign of strength (bullshit, marketing genius by psych majors), I sought help for nightmares and other issues related to my own PTSD. Oops. I didn't even know I had it. I thought my quirks, that in many ways made me a great warrior, did not make me a great guard robot. But as soon as I started to talk to a doc, it was revealed that I needed all kinds of interventions!

There was this drug, then the other. Therapy weekly or bi weekly. Bad advice and worse results. I was driven mad by the people trained to heal the madness. I tried acupuncture, surgery, therapy, CBD and over a dozen combinations of various drug cocktails. What did I gain from this? Nothing. Let me tell you what I lost.

I no longer have my national guard income and career. I have lost the dozen friends I used to have. Only two friends and my sister have not yet abandoned me. I lost my marriage. I nearly lost my freedom, spending a few weeks in an inpatient facility was terribly frightful. I spent a night or two in jail and lost my lucrative day job. I went from making about $XXk a month to $X, then suddenly half of that since my estranged, soon to be ex-wife doesn't work full time.

Ah well, there are folks, other vets, civilians etc. in much worse shape. I should be happy. I still have a roof over my head though it's 2,274 miles from my kids. I have female companionship, food, and even the occasional legal, recreational marijuana available here in Bigfoot country.

Without my kids around me, I have been terribly sad. My depression became my friend, as did my rage. Then I flushed the meds.

After a few weeks, I started to recover myself. It wasn't easy or pain free. Then, the pain of loss, of everything I built over decades, lost in just a few short years, came crashing down on me. I found refuge in Sigrunn's Saga.

Readers here might not remember Sigrunn. She was first introduced years ago. I teased her stories arrival, but was not able to deliver until now.

Thankfully, I have had the good fortune to be trapped in my cell. I was able to meet an editor, a new friend of a friend. A professional who knows how to fix bad writing. If I'm lucky, she'll save Sigrunn's Saga in time for publishing 24 June 2018.

Followers, email me for a free electronic/kindle copy.

Alvie asked for an audiobook copy, so if anyone out there wants to interview for narrator, just email me or send an audio clip.

So, Sigrunn is coming, winter is leaving, whether it likes it or not.

For those of you who remember the Sigrunn post on this blog...there were 3 in Oct, 2012, she is not the same as the character first introduced there. Sorry about that. Because she is so much more than any of that, I want to give her her own space. Sigrunn's Saga deserves its own home - Sigrunn's Blaga.

Sigrunn's Blaga is going to launch in a few days. With any luck my new (yet unnamed editor) will also be introduced formally at the same time. She's putting a layer of polish on the Saga I could not do in my state, damaged as I am by war, drugs, therapists, marriage and all the rest.

Jess, if you see this - I have a free autographed copy for you. I miss you pal.