Well there's your problem...

Dear Greece,

First, thank you for the whole cradle of democracy and such that's pretty awesome, also I've enjoyed molon labe and your amusing mythology. I especially loved touring the ruins on Rhodos / Rhodes and dodging young tuffs out to make a name for themselves by beating up US Sailors visiting the redlight district. Thanks to those poor boys for the night in the brig too, I learned a lot in there like the fact that spiders somehow do find their way onto ships. Imagine that!

Now, what have you been doing since you gave birth to western civilization? I can't help but notice lately the remnants of the Hellenic League have been having some financial problems. I think I might have found a significant contributing factor here. (thank you la times).

A coca-cola bottling operation is your biggest business? Well it was rather since it's now leaving. What happened Greece? You used to be really cool. Coke was an American company, i don't know if you can call it that now it's a multi-national or international conglomerate or something but how did awesome Greece become so inhospitable to businesses worth a paltry $7.6 billion? You know our military spends that in like what 3.4 days right? That's just for TP, hammers and phylacteries.

I want to help out, I really do so here are some ideas. First - invent a new holiday. Make it a big one like Octoberfest, maybe a week long or a whole fortnight.

Invite EVERYONE (except Albania noone likes them).

Give away lots of goodies like beads and T-shirts, New Orleans probably has a lot of beads they don't need since tourism there probably stil hasn't recovered. Maybe you can get Superbowl loser t-shirts from the NFL and give them away?

Hide the Uzo and the really good drugs too - you gotta keep that stuff under control folks there get a bit outta hand sometimes.

Have a contest, you guys are jam packed with islands suitable for habitation and really small and near the others that you could let someone buy a raffle ticket for - maybe a $1 raffle ticket OR let the guy who comes up with the best idea win the island and have HGTV build a super mansion on it. Surely a few construction jobs couldn't hurt right?

Speaking of construction - you guys need to build something new. I know you're surrounded by ruins and sacred temples to every small towns god you don't dare desecrate but really - just pave over that stuff already no body cares! You guys don't even care, the ruins are in such decrepit conditions - the rubble is burning down.

Keep the hot gates, people still want to visit that strand but improve the spa there host a bit costume party or battle re-enactment. In my town (gettysburg pa) we have industrialized the re-enactment scene our economy more or less thrives and at least hums along on a 150 year old battle. You guys can top that you had a much bigger one more than a millenia ago - get that out there.

You want some more help? I'm here for you just make sure I get one of those raffle tickets and tell HGTV I want a lot of unobstructed vies in that island villa.